I see you, looking around the CVS frantically, looking for literally anything that you could give as a gift. It’s Christmas Eve, and you, my friend, have blown it. You look at Pinterest, hoping for an idea that will make a set of Easter salt shakers from the discount rack seem legit. Instead, you are greeted by suggestions of hand stitched gloves and lovingly crafted quilts. After it becomes clear that when bloggers say “last minute” they mean “the only gift you didn’t start on before the Clinton administration” you fall to your knees in defeat, taking the fruitcake display with you. The clerk at the front is not amused, as you’ve disrupted her glove stitching. Here are 6 actual ideas for last minute gifts. I found all of these items at the CVS, including gift wrap, so you can do this too. (Trust me.)

6. For Your Hipster Friend

This was apparently the perfume in the 1970’s. It smells like death and baby powder, but who cares, it’s “vintage”. Your hipster friend will be too busy trying to impress you with their vinyl collection to actually smell it anyway.

5. For a Kid

So you drew a kid cousin in your family’s gift exchange. That’s great, because kids don’t know how much things cost and if it’s a giant candy bar, they don’t care. Sure, their parents might hate you, but look, you’re Christmas shopping in a store that’s most famous for having convenient flu shots. Now is not the time to worry about whether your Aunt Julie will invite you to her 4th of July party. Buy the kid the candy bar and move on.

4. For the Coworker you Know Nothing About

You probably picked this dude’s name for your office’s secret Santa. At least I hope you did, because otherwise, why are you buying this guy a present? A blanket is a decent gift, everyone can use one, it’s inoffensive and probably under whatever the secret Santa price limit is. Just spell the dude’s name right on the tag.

3. For the “Basic” Friend

Pretty much every girl like nail polish. This is the safe gift, especially for the friend who likes J. Crew and the Bachelor. Essie is nice stuff, and it’s safe to give to anyone. Just customize the color to the person. Like flower language, but with paint. I actually like this one and have given it as a non-last minute gift.

2. For the Superior You Have to Buy Something For

This entry is actually going to get two pictures because the first one I photographed smelled evil.

you smell like rubbing alcohol
Anyway, a candle is sort of like the blanket in the fact that it’s inoffensive, everyone can use it, but it seems nicer than the blanket. Just make sure you smell it.

1. For the Old Relative Who Complains About Their Joints All the Time

Everyone has that one relative who can’t sit at the dinner table without sounding like someone is running over fireworks with a tractor-trailer. Or an engine failing to turn over. Or-you get the idea. The good news about this stuff is that it’ll maybe get them to stop talking about their newest set of ailments for two minutes. The downside is that if this backfires somehow, you’ll never hear the end of it. (Note that backfires could mean it does or doesn’t do literally anything.) (TBH I have no actual idea what this stuff is, the description is pretty vague, but the packaging looks like it’s from an era that the creaky old relative might have been middle aged during.)

****Bonus Round: Gift Wrap****

This is pretty much all of the coolest gift wrap I could find. I would put the bow on whatever I wrapped the gift it, whether that be one of those bags or some wrapping paper.
It’s time to wrap up this post, the cashier has put down the gloves and is coming towards me. Time to pay for the fruitcakes and never ever return.
KJ