Christmas 2014

What I’m Listening to: ‘Can You Love Me Again’ by John Newman

(Note: I know it’s 2015, but I’ve just now awoken from my sugar coma so hush.)
Another Christmas has come and gone, the gifts are strewn all over the house, there are probably chocolate coins in the carpet and the place smells suspiciously like Love’s Baby Soft. Hmmmm.

That aside, I figured I would share some photos of my Christmas. I’m not turning this into a haul post, because no one actually likes those. (To anyone angrily saying that they do right now, just remember, everyone knows you’re lying. (And you probably smell like Love’s Baby Soft.))

The first thing I want to show y’all is how I wrapped the presents this year. I used three different types of high gloss plaid wrapping paper, soft caramel colored satin bows and handmade brown paper tags. If you’re wondering how long it took me, let’s just say I may be a season further on Bewitched than I was before I started. Let’s also leave it at that.

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/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/3ce/69170665/files/2015/01/img_1417-0.jpgNext up, the tree. 4 feet of non-valuable, baby safe ornaments, 5 feet of regularly decorated tree and 2 feet of “I nearly died on a ladder for this”. Oh, right, I nearly forgot about the 11 feet of tree I coated in tinsel strand-by-strand. Pro tip: after 4 feet of covering a giant, dying plant in shiny Mylar threads, you will start to question your sanity. Ignore these thoughts, because if you even try to attempt this, it is far too late for you. Here’s the tree in all it’s glory:

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Well, it’s been fun but I gotta go try to make some hot cocoa for my sugar hangover. “Hair of the dog” and all that.
Peace.
KJ

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6 Last Minute Gift Ideas

I see you, looking around the CVS frantically, looking for literally anything that you could give as a gift. It’s Christmas Eve, and you, my friend, have blown it. You look at Pinterest, hoping for an idea that will make a set of Easter salt shakers from the discount rack seem legit. Instead, you are greeted by suggestions of hand stitched gloves and lovingly crafted quilts. After it becomes clear that when bloggers say “last minute” they mean “the only gift you didn’t start on before the Clinton administration” you fall to your knees in defeat, taking the fruitcake display with you. The clerk at the front is not amused, as you’ve disrupted her glove stitching. Here are 6 actual ideas for last minute gifts. I found all of these items at the CVS, including gift wrap, so you can do this too. (Trust me.)

6. For Your Hipster Friend

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/3ce/69170665/files/2014/12/img_1183.jpg This was apparently the perfume in the 1970’s. It smells like death and baby powder, but who cares, it’s “vintage”. Your hipster friend will be too busy trying to impress you with their vinyl collection to actually smell it anyway.

5. For a Kid

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/3ce/69170665/files/2014/12/img_1187.jpg So you drew a kid cousin in your family’s gift exchange. That’s great, because kids don’t know how much things cost and if it’s a giant candy bar, they don’t care. Sure, their parents might hate you, but look, you’re Christmas shopping in a store that’s most famous for having convenient flu shots. Now is not the time to worry about whether your Aunt Julie will invite you to her 4th of July party. Buy the kid the candy bar and move on.

4. For the Coworker you Know Nothing About

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/3ce/69170665/files/2014/12/img_1189.jpg You probably picked this dude’s name for your office’s secret Santa. At least I hope you did, because otherwise, why are you buying this guy a present? A blanket is a decent gift, everyone can use one, it’s inoffensive and probably under whatever the secret Santa price limit is. Just spell the dude’s name right on the tag.

3. For the “Basic” Friend

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/3ce/69170665/files/2014/12/img_1186.jpgPretty much every girl like nail polish. This is the safe gift, especially for the friend who likes J. Crew and the Bachelor. Essie is nice stuff, and it’s safe to give to anyone. Just customize the color to the person. Like flower language, but with paint. I actually like this one and have given it as a non-last minute gift.

2. For the Superior You Have to Buy Something For

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/3ce/69170665/files/2014/12/img_1181.jpgThis entry is actually going to get two pictures because the first one I photographed smelled evil.

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/3ce/69170665/files/2014/12/img_1179.jpg you smell like rubbing alcohol
Anyway, a candle is sort of like the blanket in the fact that it’s inoffensive, everyone can use it, but it seems nicer than the blanket. Just make sure you smell it.

1. For the Old Relative Who Complains About Their Joints All the Time

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/3ce/69170665/files/2014/12/img_1185.jpgEveryone has that one relative who can’t sit at the dinner table without sounding like someone is running over fireworks with a tractor-trailer. Or an engine failing to turn over. Or-you get the idea. The good news about this stuff is that it’ll maybe get them to stop talking about their newest set of ailments for two minutes. The downside is that if this backfires somehow, you’ll never hear the end of it. (Note that backfires could mean it does or doesn’t do literally anything.) (TBH I have no actual idea what this stuff is, the description is pretty vague, but the packaging looks like it’s from an era that the creaky old relative might have been middle aged during.)

****Bonus Round: Gift Wrap****

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/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/3ce/69170665/files/2014/12/img_1177.jpg This is pretty much all of the coolest gift wrap I could find. I would put the bow on whatever I wrapped the gift it, whether that be one of those bags or some wrapping paper.
It’s time to wrap up this post, the cashier has put down the gloves and is coming towards me. Time to pay for the fruitcakes and never ever return.
KJ

Christmas Tree Farm Fun

What I’m listening to: Jingle Bells by Bing Crosby

It’s that time of the year again, time for parties and laughter and advice columns overrun with tales of terrible in-laws. We’re a week from Christmas, so it was obviously time to go get a Christmas tree. (I’ll post photos of it decorated once it’s done.) Luckily we have high ceilings, because when we got there they were down to 10′ and over trees.

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The good news is, we found a tree. There is no bad news because it’s Christmas, we found a tree, and it fits under our roof.
Happy Holidays! (The tree is tipping dangerously. I gotta go)

KJ

A candy cane and a gingerbread house walk into a bar….

What I’m listening to: Serial, episode 05 Route Talk

Alright, time for a little Christmas post. After this, I swear I have some serious posts coming, including some very sweet Christmas photo spreads.
There are 2 important things to know.
1. This all started with a candy cane.

IMG_1009.JPG Here’s my brother with said candy cane.
2. It ended with a gingerbread house.

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IMG_1049.JPG Best dirty Santa gift ever.
Thanks for reading, those spreads are coming (pinkie swear).